I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
