i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
