You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
