WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
