Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
