I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
