i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
