My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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