Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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