i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
