none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it's great music for shaving your balls
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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