I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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