So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
