I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
