is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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