This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
