is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
