Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
