he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
