he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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