I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I believe in your delicious
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
