i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
