well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize