Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
