Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
