we have pet lesbian snakes
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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