her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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