i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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