Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
