Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He passed out mid-signature
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
