I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
