i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
