I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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