Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize