It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize