I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
