I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
