hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
did you just send me my own nude
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
