Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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