I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
