Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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