So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
