Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
