They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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