You work out of a Hotel?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
