Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
