i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
