That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
