i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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