She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
