Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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