I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
