I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just want nice things and good sex
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
