I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
