Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
