so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
