4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
