I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
