Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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