Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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