well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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