Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
