you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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