woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
