So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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