Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
false alarm. still invincible.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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