If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
