if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
