so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
