i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
